Suicide Haikus

1.

Juan De Fuca Straits
Have very aggressive tides.
I doubt you'll find me.

2.

In three days I'll rise
And redeem humanity.
Oh wait! That's Jesus.

3.

Egomania
Is the sole motivator
For a note at all

4.

Self-immolation
Always seemed extreme to me.
Then I thought: why not?

5. (Not really a suicide haiku, but I like it anyway):

An owl and a snake
Fixate on a wounded mouse.
My money's on Owl.